FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE or just bond

why Woman needs a community

social media fills me with disgust these days. while some exchange might be a bit more spicy than usual, so much I read was really shocking.

NO… it’s not about social media!

this is a direct reflection of us humans – as we really are.

it’s not that Karen throught of being anonymous on Facebook, and then she acts like an entitled being – and then somehow becomes Karen.
Karen is Karen in real life and her entitlement pours through her fingers exactly into the screen in no other way than she would usually be as when she lifts her head from the phone.

in former times men would be celebrated for what they have brought home. nobody bothers what method he used.
today men will compete who has the first, best, correctest and truest piece of statistic, article, theory or any other kind of information.

and the women?

sometimes in the last century they were taught to compete, as if it was the ultimate survival guide for building up capitalism, generate more taxes and benefit from their spending power. many systems are based on exactly this. just think of the beauty industry as one of them…

yet, women seem to have forgotten about their primal qualities. and one of these primal qualities is the bonding – it is so vital that it could easily be one of the human’s stress responses.

what does this mean?

bonding meant survival – though all members of the tribe were very different individuals.
in the past, when we used to live in communities, one women might have been a good herbalist. another very capable in supporting women during deliveries. others again would be good in reading the signs from the stars and moon in the sky. and then there were those skilled with their hands. planting, cooking, making clothes.
ultimately everyone had their very own qualities.

however, these qualities were recognised and respected as the community deeply knew that they all were depending on those – and ultimately being super important.
because…
who are we if we are cooking without spices?
who are we if we can’t give birth to our children?
who are we if we can’t understand the moon & stars language?
who are we if we don’t recognise the importance of each community member?

all these qualities were integrated. and I am convinced that they have had their own challenges. sure they have felt jealous or argued, too. it’s in the nature of being human.

ultimately people would understand though that they were depending on each other. the community was depending on them creating a union.

in former times humans too were exposed to some form of stress. there were not only wars and feuds. men were mostly out, sometimes far away and women would be having to rely on their own skills and talents. attacks of other communities were pretty natural.
but this was not the only danger.
nature was experienced in a much stronger way. cold weather, rain, floods, starvation would be a constant companion for these women. some of them not just a small inconvenience, like someone’s post on Facebook, but causing harm or even being life threatening for every member of the community.

they would have several ways of dealing with it.
the fight-flight-or-freeze moment. which is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event. an attack or threat of survival was naturally occuring more often.

inevitably women would practice bonding in this time.
the closer they would stand together, the less an outside force could destroy them.
the better they engaged with one another, the less chance for someone to harm them.
the stronger their bonding, the less each individual experienced suffering.
the better they were connected, the more powerful each member of the community would be.
the firmer the bonding, the greater the chances for the survival of the tribe.

how about seeing each one of us in her own struggles and all qualities?
let us celebrate our individuality and honour our community!
how about next time instead of going into reaction, moving into compassion?

let us be that generation of modern women that has remembered who we are.
that group that is aware of their deep womanly qualities.
let us move through life with fierce and grace.

together. as one.
for our future generations.

with love.
always.

Violeta Labella

p.s. Women Circles and Yoni Egg classes are a perfect way of starting to be together. im a safe, intimate space of my Yoni Egg classes women find a trustworthy group in a perfect surrounding to evolve together. read more: https://yoniegg.rocks/en/events/