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lust à la feminine
heavy breathing.
tender caresses.
Moans of luscious desire.
hot sweat enveloping your skin.
delicious tremors coursing through your entire body.
circular motions, up and down and left and right and in and out.
arching backs.
gleaming eyes.
sweet release of ground-shaking ecstasy.
whew.. it’s getting hot in here.
awwww maybe it’s because we’re diving into pleasure today.
FEMALE PLEASURE, to be exact.
the skepticism around the female orgasm is fairly modern, and seems to be a Victorian creation. you detail the longer history, back to the ancient Greeks, of frank artistic depictions of women enjoying sex, even having an orgasm – to repeat: women having an orgasm.
let’s backtrack a bit.
in the late 1800s, getting women off was a higher priority than having a clean floor. after all, if the women were left to stew in their sexual desire for too long, who knows what could have happened? apparently women didn’t possess an ounce of self-control you know?
as far as the Victorian medical community, psychiatric community, and several behavioral scientists – ironically, all of whom were composed of men – were concerned, a sexually frustrated woman needed to be attended to immediately, lest her womb wander and her mind be overcome by the dreaded female hysteria.
female hysteria is the now-defunct term used to diagnose a woman who suffered from any variety of ailments. symptoms included anything from fainting to erotic fantasies, to having sexual desires and particularly ‘a tendency to cause trouble’.
whenever a woman experienced said hysteria, she was carted off to the doctor, where he would give her vaginal stimulation and induce – not an orgasm, because remember, only men can have orgasms – we’re going to give you paroxysms.
the Greek root hystera, meaning ‘uterus is the root for ‘Hysteria’. originally, it was believed that hysteria and hysterical symptoms were caused by a defect in the womb, and thus, only women could become hysterical.
all quite medical… you go the doctor, you get a good feel, you go home and you feel better. Yikes! that doesn’t sound so fulfilling..
by the early 1900s, vibrators had become more portable, more affordable, and to many women’s delight – more private. women were encouraged to use vibrators to hoard off the ‘female hysteria’. women didn’t have to seek a doctor anymore – they could simply remedy their sexual frustrations alone and in the comfort of their own homes.
thankfully, over the years the diagnosis of female hysteria has been left in the past. more and more light was brought into the modern sexual education.
women have a special relationship with pleasure in that, when we have the right kind of it, we are sensual, powerful and empowered. when we don’t, we can get depressed, slide into bad mood or lose our will to stand up for ourselves.
the way our pelvic nerves translate pleasure from our sexual experiences to our brains boosts the hormones that make us grounded and connected, and dampen our susceptibility to depression and lethargy.
let’s take a look at what’s released when pleasure takes place in the body:
- Endorphins are the body’s own opiates – they relieve pain and provide a little kick of happiness.
- Oxytocin strengthens the immune system and reduces pain sensitivity.
Cortisol affects the blood vessel and metabolism. - Serotonin and norepinephrine are commonly called ‘ happiness hormones’. they are the ones that create the ‘rose-colored glasses’ effect.
- Dopamine ensures well-being and satisfaction. it promotes balance, which in and of itself could also prevent depression.
- Testosterone, which is not only present in males but in women (smaller amounts), lowers cholesterol levels and sharpens the mind.
This hormonal cocktail provides a feeling of safety, security, calmness.. It also provides the urge to have more delicious sex, so there’s your incentive. find more juicy connections and reasons why we should Talk about Sex.
there is also physiological reason why women and female pleasure have been suppressed for so many centuries: those in charge knew, probably from experience, that if you damage the Yoni, essentially, you damage the brain. mess with a woman’s dopamine flow and she’ll stop fighting back. rape has always gone along with pillaging not (only) because colonizers are assholes, but because when you can quickly and easily take away someone’s ability and power to fight back, they are easier to control and will stop resisting.
and… something I certainly wasn’t aware of as we didn’t learn about this in my good old biology class: did you know that women can have deeper and more varied orgasms? let alone that they can have as many orgasms as they want… they even energise themselves more on a sexually fulfilled experience.
I would say that right there, in and of itself, could have also made the boys feel just a bit insecure about their own capabilities when it comes to pleasure. could it be that their own limitation has made men shuffle feminine pleasure into the taboo zone?
there are papers, studies, and personal first-hand experiences that show that women have an enormous capacity to experience orgasms of many different types. the subjective experience is not necessarily the same for each woman, and can be different each time a woman has one. any type you have is great, until you have a different one, so then your brain will rescale that. so if this one is deeper, it just means its deeper, it doesn’t mean its better than past orgasms. read my article on the different types of orgasm.
wait wait wait, I am telling you that you can feel different variations of orgasms to deeper degrees?
all this taken into account, I think it’s safe to say that good sex is amazing and pleasurable and there’s so much to explore with your pleasure as a woman. we women grow up hearing lots of mixed messages, especially about our sexuality and pleasure. many close themselves to exploring more.
but then, once you’re in a sexual relationship, you’re expected to enjoy sex and have lots of pleasure and orgasms. am I missing something here?
it’s like – repress all your desire, lust and sexuality until you’re in a sexual relationship where you’re meant to be a highly-skilled geisha-styled sexual goddess. my brain is spinning from the mixed messages.
the good news… is that you can learn to connect with your body, your sensuality and your pleasure. the key to unlearning, untaming and unleashing is in your Yoni… as well like in every cell of your body.
it could start with reclaiming your pleasure, in self-pleasure. or reclaiming your pleasure with someone else. or with several someones.
you deserve to celebrate your inner wild, free, unapologetic, gushing, squirting, orgasmic, and wet sensual being. it is your innate right as a woman. start with being curious, open an in awe about all the mysteries you will discover about your Yoniverse. you will be surprised with what you find.
pleasure doesn’t even necessarily have to do with sex. it is something that stems from your inner sensuality. it could be anything – eating a delicious fruit, dancing to sensual music, the wind blowing into your hair, enjoying a glass of tea, the drops of rain on your skin, laughter with friends, or the smell of a book in your hands…
You name it.
You decide and explore what connects you to your essence.
What grounds you in your body.
What makes you feel alive.
What pleasures you.
What lets your body celebrate.
What makes your Yoni squirt.
be juicy.
live your pleasure.
yours
Violeta Labella
p.s. my 28-day online ‘LebensLust’ program gives you access to an increased self-confidence and refined sensations of pleasure, so that you learn to channel and use your sexual energy to the fullest and not rely on weird outdated stuff like trips to the hysteria doctor when your yoni gets excited. (the program is in German only)
register: https://violetalabella.com/
